it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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