the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
