so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
