I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
