So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
