i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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