Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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