I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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