Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
