How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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