ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
