I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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