I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
