I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
