he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
