she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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