dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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