You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
