i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
