Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
