did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
