I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
