so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
