My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
