I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
