whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
