my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
