Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
