You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
