She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
