He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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