I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
