What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize