We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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