College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
