Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
