either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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