At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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