in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come share oat with me in your robe
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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