Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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