he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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