No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize