So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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