How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize