i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
