I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
