idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
