you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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