I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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