Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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