I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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