Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize