my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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