i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
