Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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