woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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