Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
