I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
