Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize