I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize