i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
