We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
