ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
