My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
