I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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