Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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