why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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